This shirt

 This shirt.
This shirt was just an ordinary shirt last year on March 1st.
This shirt was a cute shirt that I purchased at Target. I loved the polka-dots, loved the ruffles and loved the little pink crocheted flower on the collar.
This shirt looked so cute on Caylin. She loved this shirt, too.
Then March 2nd came.
This shirt is the shirt I put on Caylin that morning with her cute little jeans with the flowers on the back pockets and little pink converse shoes.
This shirt seemed to swallow her up a bit that morning, although I know I purchased the right size. It just hung on her a little differently than other shirts.

This shirt became more than just a “shirt” that day.
This shirt became THE shirt that she wore the day she was taken to the after hours care clinic and then eventually later that night to the Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital emergency room where she would spend a few days, a couple of them in PICU.
Yep, this is the shirt she wore the day she was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.

Once we were back home from the hospital and getting used to our new “normal,” I came across this shirt again while going through our laundry and sorting it all.

For some reason I was mad at this shirt. I know it sounds silly, but I was. I threw the shirt down in the pile to be washed and just went about my day.

I came across the shirt again later that day when it was done being cleaned and I was folding it. I honestly wanted to ball it up and throw it in a closet somewhere. I didn’t want to take the small effort to hang it up on an actual hanger and then give it a place in Caylin’s closet. Instead of balling it up, I folded it (I’m a bit OCD about closets, LOL) and placed it at the bottom of one of her dresser drawers. Surely I wouldn’t have to see it much there.

A few months later I was going through clothes that no longer fit Caylin to make some piles for a future yard sale and I came across this shirt again. Somehow after placing it at the bottom of that drawer, I must have come across it again and put it in the bins of clothes I wanted to get rid of. I honestly wasn’t surprised to see it in there. “That’ll teach that shirt,” I thought. I thought about how happy it would make me to see someone buy that shirt for a quarter at our next yard sale and I wouldn’t have to see it ever again.

This shirt is the one I held onto tightly that day as I made those yard sale piles and cried my eyes out.

This shirt is the one that somehow didn’t end up in the “get rid of” pile, but instead I carried it to her closet, grabbed a bright pink hanger from her closet and I hung it up. I gave it a spot in her closet and then I thought, “Wow. That’s progress.”

Yesterday morning as I was picking out some clothes for Caylin to wear, I headed on over to her closet.

This shirt was in her closet staring at me. I thought to myself, “What did this shirt do to me?” Why was I so upset at THIS shirt?

What I realized was that seeing this shirt just brought me back to that day. I could see how lethargic she looked in it. I could see the scared look in her eyes as she wondered what was going on and how she didn’t realize just yet how her life was about to change.

I remember hugging her in this shirt and telling her it was going to be OK. I remember her wearing this shirt as she cried. And I cried. It was like looking at this shirt was like starting that day all over again and going through those emotions. Emotions that are still a bit raw for me at times.

While standing there in front of the closet, I cried again. But this time it was as if God calmly put His arms around me and held me. A peace washed over me. I grabbed this shirt and the bright pink hanger it hung on. I put it on Caylin.

She wore this shirt yesterday.

I’m thankful that now this shirt reminds me of a more positive perspective on my daughter’s diagnosis almost a year ago. It’s a much better way to look at it all and this is now a shirt that I think I’ll hang onto, even when she outgrows it.

My daughter wore THIS shirt yesterday.

My daughter is here today. She is healthy and happy and thriving and a silly, smart, beautiful 6-year-old girl.

My daughter wore this shirt. Again.