The story of my button and why it’s not going anywhere

You see those three words right above there. YOU ARE ENOUGH. Yep, I know that we all look at ourselves so critically most of the time, don’t we? We look in the mirror and wish our hair wasn’t in that awkward stage or that our skin wasn’t so pale or that we would lose 20 pounds or that our teeth were straighter or even that we were taller.  Yep, we’ve all been there glancing at ourselves and wishing we could snap our fingers and change the things we didn’t like. I’m totally guilty of it myself, but this is a story about REALLY seeing yourself … the way you should.

Let me explain.

A few nights ago I was tucking my son Jack into bed for the night. He is a hugger and so I knew I was going to give him about 10 hugs before it was all said and done (that’s the norm each night, LOL). When he went to give me the first big hug I warned him, “Jack, be careful. I put some Oregano oil on my face and it’s a hot oil so if it gets on your face it could burn you a bit and I don’t want that to happen.” He stopped short of hugging me and looked at me confused and said, “Why do you have Oregano oil on your face, Mama?” To which I replied, “Well, you know this mole I have right here (pointing to my face just below left eye)? I’m applying oil to it so that I can remove it from my face.”

Jack’s eyes got SO big and then I saw this look flood over his face. It was like he had seen a ghost or something. It took me by surprise and he said, “But Mama, you can’t get rid of that. It’s your button.” I said, “My button?” And he said, “Yeah, you remember when I was little and I’d sit on your lap or hug you and I’d see your button and I’d push it and you’d make a funny sound or face and we’d both laugh so hard? It’s your button. You can’t get rid of it. If you did, your face wouldn’t be the same anymore and I wouldn’t have that button.”

My heart sank. I could see that it clearly upset him. I had totally forgotten about that and how it would make him giggle so much. How could I have forgotten that? I could see tears welling up in his eyes as I explained to him how I was so sorry that I was trying to remove it and that I didn’t know it meant that much to him. To which he then said (get your tissues ready, folks), “Of course it means so much to me, Mama. It’s your face. I love your face.” Sigh. Right then we BOTH were crying. It was just the most heartfelt, sweetest, caring moment I’ve ever had in my life. Sounds so simple, but it was.

I had never seen him cry like that before. It was all over this raw emotion and heartache at the thought of losing the “button” on my face. I embraced him tightly and reassured him that I would never ever again try to remove my “button” and that I would never have tried to do that if I had known how much it really meant to him.

This sweet exchange between my son and I reminded me that although I might look in the mirror and see somethings that I wish I could change and even remove completely, that my son can look at the same thing and he sees something so much more than that. He sees my “button” and remember how we would giggle and smile and how it brought him joy. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could just always see ourselves the way that our children see us? We have to remember that there IS beauty in our imperfections. That we ARE enough.

Jack taught me so much in that sweet 10 minute conversation. So much about what I think of myself and about what I SHOULD think of myself. He took something that I’ve always thought was ugly and brought beauty to it. That kind of love is such a blessing. There is so much power in what our children have to say and what they think of us. Today I’m thanking God for this “button” on my face and the joy it has brought to my son. Not only that, but the joy that it has brought to me now that I was reminded of the sweet memories that surrounded it.

I’m not gonna try to remove that button ever again. Nope. Definitely not. Instead, Jack will push it and I’ll make a silly sound and face and we’ll giggle. That button will always be there and be a constant reminder of the beauty in my imperfection, the unconditional love of my son. and how I am enough. Button and all.